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    Give them Hell.

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    Loki_Cook
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    Give them Hell.

    Post by Loki_Cook on Sat Jul 16, 2011 12:35 am

    Story about Fred’s death, and what George could have been thinking. Do not Own! Feedback is much appreciated I wrote it in about ten minutes so obviously its very much a work in progress. Thanks!


    He had felt it.

    It was as though half his soul had been suddenly ripped from his chest. He had been in the midst of battling one of the many Death

    Eaters when the feeling came on. He had been forced to dive to the side, some other student stepped up and took his place. Just as well

    because he couldn’t have moved.


    He stared off in space, seeing past the castle walls, past the forest, the sky, past this world. The pain rippled through him, a deep

    crushing ache that permeated from deep within. Tears prickled in his eyes. There was only one thing that this could mean. Stumbling

    blindly to his feet, he marched through the death and destruction as though a ghost that couldn’t be touched. Everyone seemed to fear

    him, because he was not stopped as he rounded the corner and stopped. There he was...his other half. Their older brother was yelling at

    him, yelling at him to wake up, to come back. But he knew, knew that there was no coming back. Studying his face he saw that there was a

    smirk etched there forever. A sob tried to rip its way through his throat. Diving forward he felt the deep hot tears working their way down

    his face. Deep pain cut at his heart, he felt as if he would not survive this. He couldn’t survive. Without Fred what was there? Fred was his

    lifeline. Fred knew what he was thinking almost before he did. His best friend, his brother, and now he was a pale white statue.


    Kneeling beside him he started to whisper “Fred this isn’t funny. I know I know we’re the masters of pranks but this one just went too

    far.” He felt Percy put a hand on his shoulder, shrugging it off he dove forward picking his brother up by the collar. He stared into his still

    smirking face, the face that was staring beyond, at something no one alive was priviliged to see.

    “Come on you-you can’t do this. Think of our shop!”Another painful rip, a sob slipped through as he pressed his face into Fred’s chest.”

    Think..think of all the pranks there are still left to create. Think of our siblings, think of Harry! You know what this will do to him!” He

    pleaded with the body feeling as though he was falling and drowning in the depths of a black ocean, with no light in sight. Fred remained

    unmoving.

    Staring down at his brother, tears streaming freely from his eyes, hiccoughing sobs making their way through him, he looked up. “THink

    of me, how am I supposed to continue without you?!” He heard gasps behind him but began to howl.

    His other half was gone. His friend, his brother, and partner in crime. George sobbed until he had nothing left. Laying his brother gently

    down, he placed Fred’s hands across his chest. Leaning forward he closed his staring eyes, brushed a hand across his forehead.

    Whispering he said “They won’t get away with this. They’ve messed with the wrong Weasley’s. I know your with me Gred.”

    Standing he yelled “ Let’s give them Hell!”

    George jumped back into the fight, and felt certain he heard the smirking voice along side him, and felt the extra power behind his wand.

    They would win this.

    He wouldn’t die in vain.


    _________________
    ~Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real? ~J.K. Rowling, "King's Cross," Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, 2007, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore~

    ~And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
    On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
    And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
    And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
    And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
    Shall be lifted - nevermore!- The Raven, Edgar Allen Poe~

    ~If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it. ~Toni Morrison~

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    ShadowChaser
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    Re: Give them Hell.

    Post by ShadowChaser on Sat Jul 16, 2011 12:43 am

    That was simply wonderful, I felt for George as if it were myself in that instance. Beautifully written.

    There were some minor errors, but I overlooked them with the feel that the story had on me. Like you had some indenting things where a sentence would be cut off and on the next line. But other than that it was stunning.
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    Loki_Cook
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    Re: Give them Hell.

    Post by Loki_Cook on Sun Jul 17, 2011 1:24 am

    Could you highlight and paste the errors that you saw so that I can correct them? Thanks Smile.


    _________________
    ~Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real? ~J.K. Rowling, "King's Cross," Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, 2007, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore~

    ~And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
    On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
    And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
    And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
    And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
    Shall be lifted - nevermore!- The Raven, Edgar Allen Poe~

    ~If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it. ~Toni Morrison~

    avatar
    ShadowChaser
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    Male Capricorn Posts : 141
    Join date : 2011-07-12
    Age : 22
    Location : Vermont

    Re: Give them Hell.

    Post by ShadowChaser on Sun Jul 17, 2011 2:11 am

    Actually, I just changed the resolution on my computer, and the spacing issues fix'd themselves. There weren't any spelling errors, just my computer being stupid. Sorry about that. This thing had it's screen messed up and zoomed in while going to PVZ *Plants vs. Zombies* and never went away afterwards.
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    Loki_Cook
    Lead Editor
    Lead Editor

    Female Pisces Posts : 54
    Join date : 2011-04-16
    Age : 28
    Location : Vermont

    Re: Give them Hell.

    Post by Loki_Cook on Sun Jul 17, 2011 3:21 am

    Ahhh okay good to know. If you find anything that I need to change, let me know.


    _________________
    ~Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real? ~J.K. Rowling, "King's Cross," Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, 2007, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore~

    ~And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
    On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
    And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
    And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
    And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
    Shall be lifted - nevermore!- The Raven, Edgar Allen Poe~

    ~If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it. ~Toni Morrison~

    avatar
    ShadowChaser
    Writer
    Writer

    Male Capricorn Posts : 141
    Join date : 2011-07-12
    Age : 22
    Location : Vermont

    Re: Give them Hell.

    Post by ShadowChaser on Sun Jul 17, 2011 3:56 am

    Oh, I read through it again, and I found a capitalization where it shouldn't be.

    Here's the line it's on: " Staring down at his brother, tears streaming freely from his eyes, hiccoughing sobs making their way through him, he looked up. “THink of me, how am I supposed to continue without you?!” He heard gasps behind him but began to howl.

    The bold letter is the miss-capitalized letter.

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    Re: Give them Hell.

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